sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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