she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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