Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
