I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
