i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
