I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
