How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
