my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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