five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
