Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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