girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
