4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
