My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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