Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
