I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
