too bad you live with your parents still
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
