Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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