Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
