I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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