watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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