I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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