HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
