And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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