New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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