just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
