You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
