Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
