Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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