i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
