I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
