last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
