I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
