i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My bed smells like the plague
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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