I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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