I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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