I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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