I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
