New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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