oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
