Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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