I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
