fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
