He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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