I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
