Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
