So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
