It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
