i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it hurts more in the daytime
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
