I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
