You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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