Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
