Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
