Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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