Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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