Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
