I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
