my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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