somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
